Looking forward to 2015

At times, Life can be: Hard. Messy. Complicated.

This year has brought about many changes. After almost ten years of marriage,  we pulled the plug. It had been on life-support for years. We both had had enough. Our divorce was final in August. I have spent the past few months trying to pick up the pieces, regroup, regrow, relearn, and renew. A break-up/divorce isn’t as easy as it was pre-children. When it was just you- you could cut the ties- and be done for eternity; when children are involved, there are ties that can not be severed. You will be forever entwined with the other parent- for better- or worse- and your decisions will influence that relationship, and that of your children.  When there are children in the mix, you must weigh every word, and every action, against whom it harms, or how it effects others. Your children ARE watching you. You learn that you have no say or control of others- what they chose to say or do; only of your self,  your actions, and reactions.  I get tired of pretending everything is fine- when it isn’t. But I have begun to learn to let things go, or to not waste my time and emotions on things that are out of my control, or that do not directly effect me. I also have found a renewed strength and confidence in my self that had been missing. 

It is so complicated taking care of kids with severe allergies and add in other health issues, like a feeding tube, asthma, kidney issues. I will admit the hardest part for me is learning to contain my worry and concerns when my children are away from me. I find it’s hard for me to trust others to care for them. I worry that they will have a reaction, or get hurt. I worry about who they are around, if the new people are as cautious or educated about allergies.  I worry about the day I get the phone call that something has happened, that someone has been epi’d, or is en route to a hospital. I have to remind myself that they could easily have a reaction at school or in my care as well, and that until it actually happens, I need to let go of the angst. But I confess, it is hard to do. Especially knowing the many stories of those who die from anaphylactic reactions. Each loss of life, strikes fear in my heart. That could happen to us. My greatest fear is losing my child. I can not fathom how a parent moves on from that. I don’t know if I could. I pray to God I never have to find out. 

It hasn’t been easy starting over from scratch. After being out of work for the past 10 years it was hard finding work that could accommodate me as a single parent, but I have managed to find 3 part time jobs I can work from home, 1 part time job I can work outside of the home, and I am continuing to put on the annual Food Allergy Bloggers Conference. I have been fortunate to have had help from my family in getting a new home for the boys and I, and to have moved into a neighborhood with wonderful supportive friends around us. My children are adapting to the new routines and  both boys continue to be happy, well adjusted and confident. I am hopeful and optimistic about my future, and about the good that I hope is in store for 2015. 

 

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7 Responses to Looking forward to 2015

  1. Lindsey November 28, 2014 at 8:20 pm #

    I’m so glad to hear you looking up and forward. You are an amazing woman Jenny, I’m honored to call you friend. It is SO hard to let go of the angst when our kiddos are away from us. We’re in this together chica.

    • Multiple Food Allergy Help November 28, 2014 at 8:22 pm #

      Thank you Lindsey! I am so grateful for all my food allergy community family! Truly blessed! XO! ~Jenny

  2. Sarah Murray November 28, 2014 at 9:27 pm #

    What a brave and, strangely, uplifting post. I’m in awe of your strength and determination. Like you, I know there are some things I could recover from and re-build my life, but not from the loss of a child; I don’t know how people begin to do that. The worry of my children being away from me, especially my little one with severe, multiple allergies is overwhelming to me too. Lots of luck for your new life, not that I think you need it for a minute, you’re doing just fine…way better than fine! X

    • Multiple Food Allergy Help November 28, 2014 at 9:37 pm #

      Thank you! Onwards and Upwards right?! 😉

  3. Kristin Beltaos November 28, 2014 at 9:29 pm #

    Jenny,

    You have certainly travelled many miles this past year, but you’re better for it and obviously have a healthy attitude toward your changes in life.

    Your children are a testament to you and your resilience. You’ve broken new ground, but have proven to your boys that change is just that…change. It’s nothing to fear, but to embrace.

    Wishing you and your family a blessed new year, full of fun adventures and most of all peace.

    xo,
    Kristin

    • Multiple Food Allergy Help November 28, 2014 at 9:39 pm #

      Thank you Kristin! I will gladly take a less tumultuous year ahead! 😉 xo to you too! ~J

  4. Dana November 29, 2014 at 12:29 pm #

    Jenny,
    I echo the sentiments above! You’ve broken new ground; you’re brave to challenge yourself to make a new life when the old wasn’t working. As a child of divorced parents, I know for sure that your children definitely will grow with you in new ways you never imagined. You will be strong for each other and with each other. Life (as our food allergy community knows all too well), is a test of our resiliance and our ability to move forward in positive ways…Bravo Jenny for posting so honestly and for and blazing new paths for 2015!
    xo

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